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    What are we thinking? Reflections on Church and Society from Southern African Methodists.
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Transform your work life: Turn your ordinary day into an extraordinary calling. by Dion Forster and Graham Power.
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Thursday
Apr012010

Making your marriage work (when the honeymoon is over)

The marriage relationship is intended to be one of the greatest blessings in life!  When all is well in your marriage you can be sure that this relationship will give you joy, offer you the love you need to grow, and sustain you through even the toughest of times!  However, when things go wrong in your relationship it can be one of the most painful and difficult experiences of life!

So, how do you make your marriage work when the honeymoon is over?

Some years ago when I was doing my doctoral research on the human brain I read numerous articles about how the human brain causes us to 'fall in love' in order to move us towards reproduction (remember the post some time ago about the three basic functions of human brains and survival?)  This system of the brain causes us to feel good when we're with the person we're in love with.  It also causes us to overlook (or not notice) negative qualities or irritations that may hinder our desire and capacity to add to the human species!  The most common chemicals in the brain that cause this condition are testosteroneestrogendopaminenorepinephrineserotoninoxytocin, and vasopressin. If you're interested you can read the wikipedia article here.

In short, the 'honeymoon' phase of a relationship will pass at some point and we will begin to notice certain elements of our partner's behaviour, character or appearance that will cause irritation and perhaps even cause us to dislike the person.

Life would be so much simpler if more of us chose to get married AFTER this neurobiological phase had passed!  But, alas, most of us tend to get married when we're in love.

So, how do you make your marraige work when the honeymoon is over?

In this episode of my radio program 'The ministry and me', recorded for Radio Pulpit, I discuss this challenge and offer some practical advice on making your marriage work when the honeymoon is over.  Thankfully I have an awesome wife!  She loves me in a deep and mature manner that is emotional, but much deeper than mere emotionalism.  After 17 years of marriage Megan and I have discovered (and rediscovered) the joy of love, friendship, fun, companionship and care.

I'd love to hear your feedback and input!

You can download the MP3 audio file here. (10mb - mp3).

Here's a link to a video I made some time ago about marriage.

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